Butterflies

I have always seen life as an adventure and took it fearlessly. Every new town I entered was a new life. Even when I left for college I was out the door before my mom was even dressed! Bottom line, I've always been eager to see new things and go places.

This new trip is different. I've been anxious, irritable, emotional and kind of clingy; which is 3:4 odd. I can truthfully say, I am scared, horrified, terrified, all of the above. I blew up at my boyfriend over one thing, but it was truly the fear coming out. I ended up exploding into tears and crying for the next 20 minutes or so. But leave it to Drew, the love of my life to calm me down. He reminded me that I'd probably get over the fear as soon as I pulled into town and as soon as I started work... He's usually right, about 90% of the time (and this time, I'm not mad about it).

I'm not a kid anymore. The grown up I have always wanted to be is now being called to the stage. It's going to be a little challenging and confusing at first, but I think Zak and I will manage alright.

Have to fold all my laundry and pack it and then load the car in the morning. Leaving in the afternoon. I hope the butterflies don't flutter out of me!

2 1/2 - 3 Day Til THE MOVE!

Noticed I posted last in March. A lot has happened, let me put you up to speed:
*I graduated college, I am officially a carrier of a BFA and a full time professional Wig/Make Up Artist!
*I got a Mac Book (liking it for the most part)
*I spent the summer in the mountains at Brevard, NC, working as a Wig Master at the Brevard Music Center where me and my trusty assistant styled and applied wigs for 5 shows in 4 weeks! Insane, right?

(I will be adding pics soon)

*I visited the boyfriend in Charleston where he is going to school FINALLY and couldn't be more proud of him. We even managed to throw our annual tradition of seeing a good ol' Braves game. T'was amazing!
*Oh, I got a job in Alabama where I will be doing Wig/Make Up Stuff as well as wardrobe spectacular. It seems like a good business, 13 shows in 37 weeks... I hope it's an amazing experience.
*I get to take Zak, my dog with me (I just started a new blog about me and him, if you are interested in reading that)
*I'm moving in 2... 2 1/2... 3? DAYS?! WOW!!! Still need to figure out what to pack for the first month. Mom is bringing all the big and heavy stuff in October, when I move into my very own apartment.

It's been a crazy week. My grandmother in the hospital, one of our bitches (dog) lost her puppies in birth, everyone busy with life; it feels like it's going to be an awkward good bye, but I'll take what I can get.

Still in bed right now, but I really do need to get up and start working on something. Probably begin the game of car tetras so I can better guestimate how much I can actually bring.

Next time I'll be on will probably be when I have moved, so till then!

I'm Fat

A year ago, I thought I was big for my size and desperately trying to shrink... Looking back, that was the best shape I have ever been in my entire life.

FACT, I am a very petite person, but I am also very naturally muscular and have a medium bone structure. I believe the term for that is athletic...

So I use to go to the gym everyday, and was on a very harsh diet. School was overwhelming and the diet depressed me; so I gave up on all that. A year later, I know what I look like "fat". Good news is, I still have a figure, but everything is bigger. I need to change. I feel like it's time to change. That being said, I am going to make myself workout somehow, somewhere... starting next week; and let me tell you why:I am running 20 hour days this week; running a show ruins fitness plans!! As soon as this current show closes, I am going back on the wagon. I am learning more about nutrition and plan to fit the gym hard. I want to look good, I want to feel good, I want to wear my size 10's again (2 whole pant sizes).
So, here's to health. Let's see what happens.

I Need a Look

I am creeping towards the end of my college career and the beginning of the rest of my life... My job requires a certain... flare, a look. Something that tells my clients that I know what I am doing... I certainly don't feel like I am doing a good job in that area. :(
I use to have style. I used to care how I look. What happened? These days I find myself in jeans, and a top thrown together, my hair either falling in my face or in a ponytail and it's a battle to get make up on (I think I look weird made up)... Oh my god... I AM MY SISTER!!! That was never supposed to happen!!
I need help. I need your help! Someone needs to pull a Stacey and Clinton, What Not to Wear moment and smack some sense into me!!

I miss watching that show. It was really educational and it turned me onto fashion. :D

I know that I seem to constantly bitch and moan on this thing... But I don't worry about it too much:
1) no one reads this
2) it's the only way I can get it out of my system

On a side note... Only a week left of school and then it is time for spring break. So excited, it's my last one. Going to run errands, see family, play with the lover... celebrate my birthday. I hope it's a good one.

I Feel Old

It's really funny. I'm only 22 (almost 23) and instead of being a little party animal, wearing things from forever 21, or some other young and hip fashion store or jamming to today's hits; instead I listen to the stuff my parents/grandparents listened to in their life, a little indie, I love elevator-type music (lame, I know) and I find myself drawn to what old men wear. I don't know what brought this on n my life, and many find it very odd... For the most part, I could care less, but it is hard to engage with people when you dislike almost everything that they are about.
Example: Britney Spears's "Would You Hold it Against Me"... The song has been out for a few months, and the video just came out. Everyone is crazy about it (at school and online) and I... just don't get it. Hell, the video makes no sense to the song.
Visually it's pretty cool, and the symbolism of her career is very obvious. Neat, but what does it have to do with the damn song? And even then so, it's a 3 minute ad (her make up, the tv, etc.) and the choreography was very minuscule; I was not engaged at all, it felt like I was watching the news. All of my friends on facebook are posting the video quite freqently and talking about how aweomse it is... It really isn't. Sorry. And to avoid sounding like a bitch I am not bashing it to them, instead I post on this blog that nobody reads. Which I am ok with...
Back to the old age thing...
Look what I found online:

Sooooo cute, I need a new pair of comfortable for the spring, which is coming early this year. Now I really need to lose weight. I don't have a lot of loose clothes for the warmer weather. I've lost about 2 pounds since I started watching what I eat. Not depriving, but becoming more aware. Now I need to add exercise into the mix! 20 pounds is all!!
So yeah... I need to get up soon and start my Saturday... right after this nap.

One of Those Days... Or Weeks...

... Or month?!

We are halfway through the month of February and it has been an unkind month. It just seems like I have one bad day after another...
Maybe I am just burning out, maybe a need a daycation... or a vacation (where would I find the time?!), I am uncertain.
I've been crying a lot lately and it isn't even a sad tear, it's one of those "I'm so mad, my emotions are confused" crying. I wish I could figure out what is bothering and take care of it because it is affecting my work... It's like I have forgotten how to hold a pencil or brush! Unacceptable!!!
Calling it quits early tonight. Had some of my hot and cheezy ramen and a piece of chocolate cake the roommate brought for me (that was sooooo good!); and I think I am going to soak in the tub, do a little paper work (since that is what I seem capable of doing right now) and pray that tomorrow is the beginning of better days.

Sick... Or Something

So, something isn't right about me these days. I'm very weak and tired all the time. Not sure what it is or where it came from, but I wish it would stop already. I cannot afford to just lounge around, waiting for it to go away. I wonder if it is an iron definceny, in which case, I should begin the popping of the vitamins and see what happens.
I really wish I could stay in bed (because I would totally stay in it and sleep some more, but crew (work) begins in less than an hour. YUCK!
Four more hours and to bed I go!