Ever Wonder??

Ever wonder if you were doing a good job doing what you do? Ever wonder if anyone in the building liked you. It really blows when you don't have friends around.

Death

I have never been around a lot of death in my life, I think I have lost 2 relatives, a friend from school, and a couple of family pets... My boyfriend on the other hand has been surrounded by death. He's lost many friends, and a handfull of relatives in the last year. Just recently, he has recieved word that one of his older dogs has cancer and she probably has just a few months left on earth. And you have to understand, he's had this dog since he was a little boy, he's now 22, it's pretty hard to let go. When he loses someone, it is truly an emotional process for him, depression, walls are built and you don't hear from him in a while. He hurts. I really think there is something wrong with me. When I am around death, I don't treat it as anything special. I think it is just a process that everyone goes through in their own time. Everything happens for a reason, I believe. Sure, I get sad, but the mourning process isn't grave. I take it in, I may cry for the most 30 minutes and then I move on. Could it be that I haven't lost anything that dear to me or am I just cold when it comes to death?
Drew is completely torn about the news, his puppy is sick and she might not be here as long as he had hoped. I constantly remind him "she's not dead yet. Stop moping around, she'll notice something is wrong". But do you think that would shake him? No, he begins the blame game, "It's our old vets fault, they didn't see it when it began." How were they to know? And how do you know if this isn't new. She is 12 years old (that's 74 in dog years), things like this happen to animals; no matter how well you take care of your pets. I dunno. I'm going to try my best to be there for him, but only if he wants me there.
How do you cope with the dying/the dead?

Bedtimes

Do you remember when you were a kid and say... 8-9 o'clock would come around and your parents would send you to bed; you did so and of course you weren't tired. If you were like me, you would be awake for at least 45 more minutes before you fell asleep. I remember having little dance parties on my bed with my little sister (yay 90's club music) until dad would come in with his reinforcement. I hated bedtimes; looking back at it, I am glad it was standard because I would rise early and rock hard all day during school. I think the last time I woke at 6:00 am was around the last week of my senior year in high school. Generally I now get up around 9-10 am. But now since I got a job in the mornings with the school I kind of have to wake up really early so I can get to the office around 8 am. Knowing this should make me want to fall asleep, but it isn't easy. I am usually ready to fall asleep two hours from now. When one a.m. hits, I lay down and fall right asleep; say around 11:30, not so much. It is definitely going to take awhile, but I have said it as a child and I will say it as an adult-- BEDTIMES STINK!!!
And just to remind myself, it is now past my bedtime. I need to lay down.

Contest

So, my teacher was telling me I should try for a contest in the spring... I will definitely consider it in my to do list for the school year. Martha, warned me that it was very quick thinking involved, which got me thinking... I need some practice. One of the people (MissChevious) I watch on youtube has a contest going on right now til 10/31 where you have to create a mythical creature. I think I am going to do it. Gives me a chance to stretch my creative wings and it has a little competition involved (you should see the brushes she is prizing in). It would also be pretty neat to have someone out of the school see my work. I wonder if she'll like it. We'll see. But first things first...
Finding a mythical creature.

Another Quiet Night

The day reached it's end at the School of the Arts once again, and I was on the trail back to my apartment, again, where I would be on my own... again.
I like my space, but there is a point where it's pretty darn lonesome. My roommate is working on a show and I don't really have a lot of friends here anymore. I keep telling myself that this will be a good thing in the end, for I will be too busy to even ponder a social evening in the weeks to come. I know I will regret this (soon) when I say it, but I wish it would get crazy soon... Again, I should be careful for what I wish for because my first gig goes up this weekend.
So what am I going to do now? I think I am going to work on that website I have been building since July. My adviser told me that this is the time to start networking heavy, so I need to be ready!
And with that, I go to work...

Sick

So a stomach bug decided to pay me a visit last night. Started feeling nauseous around 7, started throwing up around 9 and continued that process til 4 am. Not the worse illness I have ever had, but it runs up there pretty good. Been awake for about an hour now (trying to let everyone know at the college that I am not well enough for registration today and also trying to settle the holds on my account, while in my bed. I considered walking there, but I am too drained from the night prior... I will have to go to Financial Aid to sign some paper work to fix something, but that will be later in the day when I have had some rest... and a shower. The big obstacle right now is settling with Residence over some ridiculous fee for the apartment I lived in last year. I admit, I did leave something in my room (forgot, and then realized while driving through West Virgina) but that isn't worth $298 dollars. And considering the fact that this fee is divided by 3... or 4... or 3 not sure since roommate number 1 left early, there is a lot of damage for that apartment, most of which was not in my control. I was 2nd to leave, so if it was a mess, it wasn't my fault. I'll fix it, no doubt.
I'm really sad because I wont get to see everyone today. I am missing the registration, the all school meeting, and the famous group pictures; all because of this mysterious illness, how rude of my body! Going to spend the day in bed, slowing putting fluids back in me and hope my stomach decides to stop groaning in there. Haha!

I Am Still Alive

It's been awhile, I don't have the internet at home, so I have to mooch from public buildings. Decided to stop by the McDonald's and check the world outside of my small town. Seems like everyone is doing okay. It's amazing how the pace drastically changes when I return home. Sometimes I'm going insane out of boredom because I have nothing to do and sometimes I just take a deep breath and enjoy the moment. It's vacation after all.
Speaking of vacation, the boyfriend and I are heading out of state for the weekend to spend some time together. I am very excited. We haven't been to the beach in years. In fact almost 6... which is about as long as we have been together. Wow! I am very excited anyway.
All to say for now, I got to go and do my other daily chores.