Obsession

I like to obsess. Comes with the compulsive. I like things a certain way, particularly perfect. So what happens when that isn't the case? Everything goes wrong. Been staring at several sheets of paper for the last 6 hours trying to make sense of my own work and I have arrived nowhere. And thinking and obsessing over these papers (and their information) have left me baffled and upset. I have accepted that a large portion of this cluster bomb is an accounting error and the fact (ahem) Michael and I didn't do what we were supposed to... But for the record, I did suggest it... This is where the obsession sets in... Why didn't I tell him to suck it up and start counting? Why didn't I save my process in a separate file so I could explain my (very poorly) estimation of things? Why am I so dumb with numbers? Why can't I do anything right? I continue to kick myself in the ass about it, but I am trying to let it go. I catch myself praying to God (haven't exchanged words with him in a while) to get me through this obstacle... I hope he does. I like when I can make sense. I am just going to breathe through this next hour, make the best sense of my frantic coding (that I wrote three months ago) and give the best estimation I can; because I am getting tired and need to sleep soon.
Feeling a little better... Thanks for listening.