Ever Wonder??

Ever wonder if you were doing a good job doing what you do? Ever wonder if anyone in the building liked you. It really blows when you don't have friends around.

Death

I have never been around a lot of death in my life, I think I have lost 2 relatives, a friend from school, and a couple of family pets... My boyfriend on the other hand has been surrounded by death. He's lost many friends, and a handfull of relatives in the last year. Just recently, he has recieved word that one of his older dogs has cancer and she probably has just a few months left on earth. And you have to understand, he's had this dog since he was a little boy, he's now 22, it's pretty hard to let go. When he loses someone, it is truly an emotional process for him, depression, walls are built and you don't hear from him in a while. He hurts. I really think there is something wrong with me. When I am around death, I don't treat it as anything special. I think it is just a process that everyone goes through in their own time. Everything happens for a reason, I believe. Sure, I get sad, but the mourning process isn't grave. I take it in, I may cry for the most 30 minutes and then I move on. Could it be that I haven't lost anything that dear to me or am I just cold when it comes to death?
Drew is completely torn about the news, his puppy is sick and she might not be here as long as he had hoped. I constantly remind him "she's not dead yet. Stop moping around, she'll notice something is wrong". But do you think that would shake him? No, he begins the blame game, "It's our old vets fault, they didn't see it when it began." How were they to know? And how do you know if this isn't new. She is 12 years old (that's 74 in dog years), things like this happen to animals; no matter how well you take care of your pets. I dunno. I'm going to try my best to be there for him, but only if he wants me there.
How do you cope with the dying/the dead?

Bedtimes

Do you remember when you were a kid and say... 8-9 o'clock would come around and your parents would send you to bed; you did so and of course you weren't tired. If you were like me, you would be awake for at least 45 more minutes before you fell asleep. I remember having little dance parties on my bed with my little sister (yay 90's club music) until dad would come in with his reinforcement. I hated bedtimes; looking back at it, I am glad it was standard because I would rise early and rock hard all day during school. I think the last time I woke at 6:00 am was around the last week of my senior year in high school. Generally I now get up around 9-10 am. But now since I got a job in the mornings with the school I kind of have to wake up really early so I can get to the office around 8 am. Knowing this should make me want to fall asleep, but it isn't easy. I am usually ready to fall asleep two hours from now. When one a.m. hits, I lay down and fall right asleep; say around 11:30, not so much. It is definitely going to take awhile, but I have said it as a child and I will say it as an adult-- BEDTIMES STINK!!!
And just to remind myself, it is now past my bedtime. I need to lay down.

Contest

So, my teacher was telling me I should try for a contest in the spring... I will definitely consider it in my to do list for the school year. Martha, warned me that it was very quick thinking involved, which got me thinking... I need some practice. One of the people (MissChevious) I watch on youtube has a contest going on right now til 10/31 where you have to create a mythical creature. I think I am going to do it. Gives me a chance to stretch my creative wings and it has a little competition involved (you should see the brushes she is prizing in). It would also be pretty neat to have someone out of the school see my work. I wonder if she'll like it. We'll see. But first things first...
Finding a mythical creature.

Another Quiet Night

The day reached it's end at the School of the Arts once again, and I was on the trail back to my apartment, again, where I would be on my own... again.
I like my space, but there is a point where it's pretty darn lonesome. My roommate is working on a show and I don't really have a lot of friends here anymore. I keep telling myself that this will be a good thing in the end, for I will be too busy to even ponder a social evening in the weeks to come. I know I will regret this (soon) when I say it, but I wish it would get crazy soon... Again, I should be careful for what I wish for because my first gig goes up this weekend.
So what am I going to do now? I think I am going to work on that website I have been building since July. My adviser told me that this is the time to start networking heavy, so I need to be ready!
And with that, I go to work...

Sick

So a stomach bug decided to pay me a visit last night. Started feeling nauseous around 7, started throwing up around 9 and continued that process til 4 am. Not the worse illness I have ever had, but it runs up there pretty good. Been awake for about an hour now (trying to let everyone know at the college that I am not well enough for registration today and also trying to settle the holds on my account, while in my bed. I considered walking there, but I am too drained from the night prior... I will have to go to Financial Aid to sign some paper work to fix something, but that will be later in the day when I have had some rest... and a shower. The big obstacle right now is settling with Residence over some ridiculous fee for the apartment I lived in last year. I admit, I did leave something in my room (forgot, and then realized while driving through West Virgina) but that isn't worth $298 dollars. And considering the fact that this fee is divided by 3... or 4... or 3 not sure since roommate number 1 left early, there is a lot of damage for that apartment, most of which was not in my control. I was 2nd to leave, so if it was a mess, it wasn't my fault. I'll fix it, no doubt.
I'm really sad because I wont get to see everyone today. I am missing the registration, the all school meeting, and the famous group pictures; all because of this mysterious illness, how rude of my body! Going to spend the day in bed, slowing putting fluids back in me and hope my stomach decides to stop groaning in there. Haha!

I Am Still Alive

It's been awhile, I don't have the internet at home, so I have to mooch from public buildings. Decided to stop by the McDonald's and check the world outside of my small town. Seems like everyone is doing okay. It's amazing how the pace drastically changes when I return home. Sometimes I'm going insane out of boredom because I have nothing to do and sometimes I just take a deep breath and enjoy the moment. It's vacation after all.
Speaking of vacation, the boyfriend and I are heading out of state for the weekend to spend some time together. I am very excited. We haven't been to the beach in years. In fact almost 6... which is about as long as we have been together. Wow! I am very excited anyway.
All to say for now, I got to go and do my other daily chores.

Ohh College/Preformance Calendars

Mother called the school today to express her concern in how we were going to pay my last year of school and that is currently under construction at the school's Financial Aid office. It's amazing what can be done/fixed if you just ask someone. Mom is applying for the loan again this year, I hope she gets it; and God knows when I get out I will find a way to help pay it back for her. I'm already preparing myself to get a job with a work study program in morning (where academics would be taken place) and doing some outside work on the side to cover supplies/food for the year. I am kind of glad that all of my friends graduated last year, because I have no idea how I am going to keep a strict schedule and a social life...
Speaking of schedules, I have wonderful news...
The head of my department at school just released the performance calendar for the year... In the fall, I will be working outside the school and running "Cosi Fan Tutte" in Charlotte with Martha, my teacher/professional mentor... Build/Run "Light Up the Sky" with non other than my Michael (b/c we haven't had enough of each other)... And then, comes the part that put the giant twinkle in my eye...
"Necole Bluhm/Design/Cosi Fan Tutte" -- OMG! The moment I have been waiting for in three years, my first official design. Not only that, an opera, and not only that... The Winter Opera (a big deal). I am so honored that I was assigned this show and I am so excited to be working with all that are involved. I cannot wait! But wait, there is more to this wonderful story... In the Spring, I am also designing "Harper's Ferry" and another outside job doing my favorite show in the whole world-- "HMS Pinafore". I am so excited, granted it will be a very hard year... Having jobs, classes, shows to design, but it's the last year. I am so thankful for all those who help me out and those who believe in me to work on these assignment I just hope I don't let anyone down.
YAY!

Cancled

So, it is only day 5 of my project to self tan myself, and I am abandoning it. It worked okay, I guess... but it was too much hassle (putting it on, and doing it right) and I cannot stand the smell it produced on me. I think I will stick to smelling pretty before I choose to alter my coloration. It was pretty exciting though... And honestly, I am returning to having red hair and fairer skin (I think) look much complimentary.
... Pandora decided I should be listening to Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On"... Dear God, that is an old song!
Monday's adventure was phenomenal. Spent the day with a few gents, we swam, ate, joked, played some serious wiffle ball and swam a little more. They decided to catch a film, while Michael and I went to Dorney park where we "wee'd" the night away on thrill rides and silly carnival rides. That will be our last free Monday up here, we will be returning to the south upon the next Monday... So friggin' excited!
Got word that I got some pretty financial aid awards for school next year... only 14 thousand dollars short. This is the time of the summer where I begin to freak out in a desperate search finding this. And sadly, this is something I cannot brush off. It's my final year, I have to finish! Mom says we'll figure something out. :D No production assignments yet, btw. I (and I bet everyone else in our department) am getting really frustrated with all of this waiting. We usually get our info in July. It's killing me, I want to know what I designing, what/where I am working!! I hope we hear soon... As in tomorrow!
Time for bed.

Tomorrow

My day off. Yay! And not soon enough!! What a long and crazy week. I have survived and have had some adventures. Really looking forward to tomorrow though. Was going to be a day at the theme park with Michael, but then I heard that the actors and others were going to be hanging at the pool and then to the park and I was like "I have to go!" Michael was a little less enthused for his reasons but said it was ok and that he would meet us at the park later in the day. This is probably the last opportunity I have to make an impression with some of these people (that doesn't involve alcohol for once-- and I like that) and I want to do it! So, I'm going to get some sleep. Wake up in a few hours. Put on my bikini (that I am a little self conscious about) and ride the waves of socialization. Hopefully I will be making some friends. Hopefully it will be a good day.

Something New and Exciting

So, I've always been the one to bake myself golden brown, but that was back in the day when I didn't have a job, responsibilities or time... I don't like being sickly pale, especially in the summer; lately all I see in the magazines and my beauty masters of You Tube, fake tanning is the way to go. So I have decided to give it a shot. Bought the best recommended (and cheap) tanner and some exfoliant. Someday, I think I will invest in the really good stuff, but let's see how I do with stuff.
Oh, I found the holy grail of make up and beauty today. Did not want to leave it, but work called. It's really cool to have adventures that bring you to nifty treasures.
Until tomorrow.

Am I Public?

Just wondering.

Obsession

I like to obsess. Comes with the compulsive. I like things a certain way, particularly perfect. So what happens when that isn't the case? Everything goes wrong. Been staring at several sheets of paper for the last 6 hours trying to make sense of my own work and I have arrived nowhere. And thinking and obsessing over these papers (and their information) have left me baffled and upset. I have accepted that a large portion of this cluster bomb is an accounting error and the fact (ahem) Michael and I didn't do what we were supposed to... But for the record, I did suggest it... This is where the obsession sets in... Why didn't I tell him to suck it up and start counting? Why didn't I save my process in a separate file so I could explain my (very poorly) estimation of things? Why am I so dumb with numbers? Why can't I do anything right? I continue to kick myself in the ass about it, but I am trying to let it go. I catch myself praying to God (haven't exchanged words with him in a while) to get me through this obstacle... I hope he does. I like when I can make sense. I am just going to breathe through this next hour, make the best sense of my frantic coding (that I wrote three months ago) and give the best estimation I can; because I am getting tired and need to sleep soon.
Feeling a little better... Thanks for listening.

Insomnia

Went to bed at 2:30, only to finally close my eyes at 5:30. It's ridiculous! I really have my hours flip flopped!
Plan:
go home
take 2 benedryl
take looooooooooong shower (make sure it's nice and hot)
talk to Drew
fall asleep
Wish me luck!

What Happened to Going to Bed Early?

Hahaha!
So, I have been constructing my website since we last spoke. It's looking really good, and I am so excited to publish it; just got to post the photos and take care of the nitty gritty. Upon my search for the good pictures, I made a terrifying discovery... I deleted my portfolio! Never fails, and it was one of my best too! Thank goodness for making duplicate cds. :D
Going to fold laundry and go to bed. I need to rest, seriously!

Monday

To many, Monday is the beginning of their week, the day they mostly dread. For me it is the best day in the world... it's my day off... And not a moment too soon. I really think I am burning out over here. If anything I am just suffering a bad case of the blahs. Haven't really done anything too productive yet in the day, but I think I will be picking it up soon. There is laundry to wash (including my favorite tote), a bed to be fluffed and things to be organized. I need some order back into my life; I really stink at living on the edge. Sure it isn't exciting, but I like it.I get my thrill at work where I make beautiful things. Speaking of beautiful Touch Up Tuesday is coming up and as mentioned in the last post, it's going to be a fun filled day of brushing, teasing, curling and pinning. I had to strike my Elizabethan style wig last night in order to brush out and set (obviously) and had about 4 ounces of pins come out of that single wig! Crazy!! I get to put that thing back together and knowing what to do and how I want to do it this time, I think it will look better than before. Maybe I'll post some of my work up so you, the reader can see what I talk about all the time. :)
So yeah... I think I am going to take care of all my chores so I can go to bed early-- for once. I am starting to mix up my days and nights.

Quickly

Currently in between changes (for the show I am working on), just wanted to quickly update...
Been catching up with my best friend over the last couple of days. I miss him so much.
Also, I have gone to the dark side, I have become a gamer. Nothing crazy, but it's to the point where I am up til 4 am playing... My boyfriend couldn't be happier.
Just realized that there is only 2 weeks of the season left-- ah! I am so happy, but sad at the same time; it has been a fun filled summer. Starting to write out the Tuesday Touch up list and I fear that it is going to be a doozy. Ha ha!! But, hey, the wigs can't take care of themselves for too long. Michael and I have the night off, we got our comps to see Romeo and Juliet and I am really looking forward to it. Still a little bummed that we weren't able to work on it as exclusively as Merry Wives, but then I wouldn't be able to enjoy seeing any of our work!
So... Yeah. Going to do the last 30 minutes of the show, hit Cosi for a salad (to make up for the super carby day I had prior) and then sit back and enjoy the show.
Gotta run now, the chase scene is coming up!

Stylized

Sorry if you notice an inconsistency of the page. I am still trying to make this page best represents me... and in that case, it may change every month or so. I like change. Keeps things fresh. I think that is why I always move my furniture around or cut my hair.
But anyway, if you have any pointers or suggestions on what I can do to make this easier to read or just appear easy on the eyes, let me know.
It's almost time for me to dally on down the road for work, will probably write later tonight.

Week of Drama!

This morning, I was writing a blog about the drama that my designer and I had the other night, but since all has been resolved, I don't feel like going on the rant that I was initially taking, but I hate not telling the whole story so let me summarize:
Actress wanted hair style certain way --> Designer doesn't allow --> Actress goes on, even tries to take matters into her own hands --> Designer fails to sway and in facts grows infuriated --> Actress gets angry, blows up at the designer (I fear the worse), doesn't wear the wig for the performance --> Designer has meeting with the Director, he was in the right and is very understanding :) --->> Flash Forward to This Morning ---> Designer gets a voice mail, email, and card with a very formal apology from the actress --> Wig is altered --> All is well!
... She apologized to everyone actually. I gave her a hug when I saw her in the dressing room, after delivering something to another performer. She looked like she needed one. I told her that everyone has a bad day. I know I certainly do; and when I am feeling rotten, whoever is in my path at that moment may not survive my evil glare. Does it make it right of us? No, but its what we do.
On another note, work has quickly become lighter in the day. Since May 28, I have been used to running my 13 hour days. In the past couple of weeks, it has gone down to 8, and now, we are reaching that 6 hour day mark(two hours before show + run + post). A little confession I am a bit of a workaholic. I strive on work and stress, not showing up to work until 5 in the afternoon gives me the shakes just thinking about it. But it certainly will do me some good. I have a few projects that I need to take care of before the summer ends and that is a very short time line.
One of the biggest assignments I have given myself is to build my professional website. I am only a year away from seriously entering the real world, and it is never too late to begin that networking, or so my instructors at the university tell me; so that is defiantly a big key. Now, I just need to gather the good pictures of my work up, figure out what I am trying to sell on this sight and find a program to let me design all of this. It's very strange, I've been pretty mature most of my youth, but there is definitely a fear present just thinking about what is going to happen after I accept my diploma and leave W-S. I have a few plans, just not sure of the specific; either way I am just making myself worry as usual.
Only 21 + days until this season ends and I return home. I cannot wait for this! I talk to my boyfriend every night, and we video chat whenever I decide to bring my computer home during the work week, and every time I see his face I think, God, I cannot wait to have you in my arms again! Pathetic, but it makes me smile. My mother and sister... I talk to them everyday (sometimes twice) and the angst grows stronger with each conversation . So many things to show them, so many stories to tell... And I long for a home cooked meal! It is going to be awesome!
Well, it is almost 3:30 in the morning, and I still have to get up at a reasonable hour, until later...

I Have This Thing (First Blog)

A blog... I haven't seen one of these since the days of Xanga. So now what? I guess I shall begin...
I have this thing I do a lot; it's talking. I believe as soon as I began to form noises and words together, it was a never ending. I feel sorry for my family and friends for the abuse because that is all I ever seem to do. What is really bad is when I blurt out whatever I'm thinking about in front of my colleges, it is usually followed with a "What? Where did that come from?!"It's a little embarrassing, but I easily brush it off. Some people would say that I have a malfunction filter, but I consider it a little factor that makes up me.
Henceforth, this blog and my mission: I have decided to take this opportunity to channel my randomness, my ideas and my dreams to this program and out of my head. I hope that I entertain someone on this site or maybe find someone that feels the same about whatever I am blabbing about on a particular day...
Introduction: I am but a youth, wandering the world to find out who I am going to be. I am currently winding down the summer season at a Shakespearean Festival as a Wig/Make Up Artist and preparing for my final year of college (as a Wig/Make Up Major). Still trying to find that one thing that I am bound to be as a career... I am a major country bumpkin, but I consider it a charming feature and wear it like a badge. I love anything art related as well as organizing everything, from my closet to the pantry; of which I have always considered funny. Singing and dancing always brighten my day and I never pass up a good laugh. I love my family, my friends and my significant other (boyfriend) of over five years and always welcome newcomers...
... And now to the current... At the end of my (only) day off. Had a list of things to do, but slept through the first half of it. Finally rolled out of the bed at 3 and ran to the grocery store where I made (hopefully) my last trip of the summer; restocked the fridge, plus a few fresher items, like a giant bag of cherries. Yum! Bought a few make up-related items to try out (currently on the search for the perfect nail color) and nearly passed out when I saw the final sale number... But again, hopefully the last shopping trip I do. I have to save some cash up for the last month of my summer break. Laundry is finishing up and I think I will retire shortly after.
See you tomorrow...